This problem was sent in by Jay S.B. from Wolverhampton who needs some advice.
My husband told me he doesn’t find me attractive any more. I’m so hurt. What should I do?
‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me’ is one of the biggest lies we were fed as children. Words are very hurtful. And the wounds from a hurtful conversation can take a lot longer to heal than a physical injury.
It is completely understandable why you feel so hurt by your husband’s cruel words. A large part of our relationship with our spouse is physical and you both value being physically attracted to the other. As we have babies and get older, our bodies change. It’s natural and it’s to be expected. Unless your body size or shape has changed drastically in a short space of time, I don’t think your husband has the right to say this to you. And even if your body has changed a lot, he should have thought of a polite way to bring it up in order to spare your feelings.
Tell him how his words made you feel and see if there is anything else going on with him that’s making him act this way. You might discover his problem lies with him and it’s not about you at all.
In 40 years’ time when you’re both old and grey, neither of you will look anything like you do now. So you need to make sure your relationship is based on something a lot deeper than physical appearance. Remind him of all the other things he loves about you and focus on those.
And make it clear that he needs to choose his words more carefully in future.
Best of luck,