Our first dating disasters come from Sarah, 28, from Brighton.
“I once met this guy called Richard Small who told me his cousin was Simon from Blue. Then one night he came back to my place. He wanted to give me One Love but when I saw the size of his pecker, I told him I wasn’t over my ex. He said, “Pretend I’m Idris Elba.” There was no way that little thing was coming anywhere near me. And it didn’t because before anything happened let’s just say he got over excited and it was all over before it even began.”
“So once I met this guy for a drink in a bar in Hove and I was telling him some stories of my times travelling. He was listening intensely and I thought he understood my stories as he didn’t question anything. And then I told him about the time I visited the Taj Mahal…
And he said, ‘What do you mean? The Taj food shop over the road?'”
“I was chatting to a guy on Tinder. He had two men in his profile picture both wearing hats and sunglasses. So I didn’t really know how he looked. I wasn’t really dating at the time but I just happened to have a day off and he happened to be in town so I thought I’d just be brave and go for a coffee with him, however he looked. I hadn’t chatted to him for long so it wasn’t a big investment nor had we built up any connection, but I needed to pop into town anyway so I thought why not? So as I approached the coffee shop there was this scrawny looking guy sat outside who vaguely could have been either guy in the profile picture without the hat but still with sunglasses on.
It’s always the energy that meets you before you speak to someone anyway and I just felt some weird energy kick in and thought, “Oh shit, is that him? Could I just get away with just walking straight past or has he seen me?” But it was too late. I had to say hi and sit down. He was wearing a stretched black T-shirt with some dirty stain down it, casual shorts and sandals … clearly he made no effort. And then told me nothing about himself. I spoke and he agreed with everything that I said… leaning in and getting uncomfortably close.
So after I drank my coffee, I tried to make an excuse to go. I said I needed to get some things from the shops. As I started to stand up, he stands up too and says, “Oh, I’ll come with you.” So we start walking and I’m just thinking, how am I going to get rid of him? So we walked to the park, while I was all like, “Oh, you don’t have to come to Primark with me.”
We went to the park and I sat down with my bag on the side he was stood to create a barrier and he walked around and then sat down on the other side. Again, too uncomfortably close. He kept leaning in like he was going to try and kiss me and on about the third lunge I just leapt to my feet and was like, “I need to start heading back now for school pick up time now.” And he stood up too … and started walking with me again. He was telling me how often he is in the area and that he’d like to see me again. So I said, “Erm, well, I’m really busy. I’m not sure when I’d have time.”
We got to a corner and I was like, he’s not following me to the bus stop … where could I say I’m going that he couldn’t come? So I said, “Oh, before I leave town I really need to go to the bank. ” And I leant in and gave him a polite hug and again he tried to go in for a kiss. So I pulled back and went in for an assertive, brotherly, strong hug, sans pat on the back, said bye and speed across the road in the direction of the banks hoping never to hear from him again.
When I got home, I got a message from him saying he’d like to see me again and he’d seen me check my social media in front of him so I now had follow requests (from him) on there. I replied saying I felt no physical or romantic connection and I didn’t want to see him again. He said, “How do you know? You’ve only met me once, you should meet me again before you decide that.” At which stage for me it was a BLOCK.”