Posted on Leave a comment

Success Stories: Roger

Welcome to my new blog, Success Stories. As I spend a lot of time reading, writing and talking about sad stories, terrible break ups and narcissistic exes, I felt like I needed to spend more time listening to positive stories. So Success Stories was born. Here, you can share your stories of happy, successful and loving relationships to uplift everyone who needs a bit of hope and positivity in their day.

Our first success story comes from Roger, an author and loving husband.

Hi there,

My wife and I met back in 1991. We were both living in residential colleges at the University of Queensland. I didn’t have a girlfriend at the time and I hadn’t really been looking for one. I had enough to do just keeping up with my studies. I occasionally went out with my friends, but my social life beyond that was limited. I did get invited out to things by girls, usually on the recommendation of their friends, because I was reliable, didn’t drink much, and I could fight; so I was viewed as kind of a reliable partner at social events, but not much beyond that; in some ways I was the most underpaid male escort in the city. So, when the lady who became my wife invited me to a social function at her college, I did not pay her much attention. I just went along, had an okay night, and went home, without any intention of ever seeing her again. However, she and her friends came around to show us the pictures from the event, and over the next few months, we gradually got to know each other.

A barrier between us was that we were from very different social backgrounds. She was the the granddaughter of a British Army Major-General, and I was from a deeply working class background, with heavy Welsh overtones. She had gone to a prestigious girls school. I had attended a fairly rough high school. She was a conformist rule keeper, I was a nonconformist rule breaker. However we shared a lot of other things in common. An interest in music for one thing (despite somewhat different tastes), and we were passionate about a lot of the same things in life; and over time I grew to trust her, which was a key thing for me. I also grew to value her steadiness, reliability and sense of duty; and she came to appreciate my fire, passion and determination. We were both very determined people, and still are.

It was three years between our meeting and our getting married, and several things were plain for us right from the beginning. For a start, if our marriage was going to last, love had to be more than just a feeling; it also had to be a choice to seek the other’s good, regardless of how we were feeling. I think my wife would say that the times when she felt most loved by me were not the fun romantic times, but the hard times when I sought to love her in the midst of her struggles and incapacity. Also, we needed to have a way to forgive each other when inevitably we hurt each other’s feelings. However there are two more areas that have helped sustain our relationship through the storms of life (especially the Army life into which I went, and the frequent moves that came as result). The first of these is knowledge: we needed to not just know each other, but keep on getting to know each other as we grew and changed over time. I had seen a lot of relationships crack at this point, where the couple knew each other, got together, but then grew apart through assumption and presumption and not understanding that the other person was not static, but changing. The second area was momentum: we needed to keep moving toward one another, and prioritising our relationship rather than letting it compete with the many other priorities of life.

Twenty-five years later, we’ve been through a fair bit: the loss of a child through cancer, the loss of both my parents, two deployments with the Army, many griefs large and small and a lot of time away from each other. It’s been hard, but the work has been worth it.

Roger Marsh (author)

Roger’s first novel, Echoes of the Wind, is available from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Book Depository and Dymocks.

The links are on his website www. porthannwn.com

If you have a success story that you want to share, get in touch.

Leave a Reply